Posted by Daniela on April 21, 2000 at 05:47:01:
In Reply to: When do you get better? posted by Connie on April 08, 2000 at 21:49:20:
Dear Connie,
I'm very sorry to hear what happened to you and I can understand completely what you are going through at the moment. Mark died last July in a car accident. He walked out of the door at lunchtime - I told him that I loved him - and the next time I saw him - he was dead. We didn't have kids, but I don't know if that makes the situation easier or harder. All the feelings you described - I can relate to them. Sad, pain, lost, lonely, angry, hurt, suicide, I started to hate all the people who were telling me that time heals all wounds. What did they know about what I was going through.
My way to deal with it was talking to people I wanted to talk to about what happened and how I was feeling. 4 months after Mark was gone I moved away from the place where we were living together. Exactly like you I was going through all this different feelings and I thought damn, I have to get better (even though what for - there is no reason)and it must get easier to handle this. One day when I was sad again I wanted to cry but there where no more tears coming, my soul was crying but no tears, I had been crying for too long and too much. So I started to keep myself as busy as I could to stop thinking. It doesn't mean that you forget, it just does help at the time.
I don't know if and when we get better. The only thing which helps me is that I believe that there is a body and a soul. The body dies, the soul doesn't. And I know that Mark will always be with me, not physically anymore, but he always will be here for me. Thats what I believe in and sometimes I talk to him and ask him for his advise (because making decisions is still the hardest thing to do for me). And I am not a very religious person. But believing in having him still around me and believing in seeing him again in another life, makes it possible for me to live.
I don't know if that is for any help for you, but if you wanna talk to me just let me know - any time.
Daniela