Posted by Barbara on November 13, 2002 at 17:13:12:
Been reading all these posts and they are so sad.
I lost my husband July, 2002 and I too keep seeing him dying. I will never forget that awful process. His death was a violent one that I will never forget.He had liver cancer and chose to die at home but he left me with something that really did help.
He was not afraid of dying and never complained of the pain only asking for a pill or hot pad for his leg or back. He had faith in me that I would be ok because he knew I was a survivor. He chose to believe that death was just like a flower and there was nothing after death. I am so glad he was not afraid. He never was.
You see he doesn't hurt anymore and that is what he wanted and I agree with him.
The pain everyone here feels is within him/her self. It is your being alone for the first time in a long time. It is the pain of being alone that is hurting so much. You can't feel pain for your loved one as they are in no pain now. They are free.
I was married for 33 yrs. to a 99/44% perfect man. He put me before anything else in life. He was wonderful and I do miss him.
We all know it is going to happen and we are all going through the death process but it sure doesn't make it any easier to know that.
I really do believe the grief is the loneliness that we all have and it will get better. It took me a year to feel like my old self again and I live in a small town and don't know anyone here except people in work places. If my Brother didn't live here or I would go nuts.
To me what is the hardest is no one to lunch with, shop with etc. I did all those things with my husband and I have no friends here, don't know anyone except my Brother. So, if I can make it you WILL make it. Sometimes it doesn't seem that you will but it will come.
I don't know if this helps anyone but YOU ARE NOT ALONE and if you need someone to talk to email me. I would be more than happy to help if I can.