Posted by Jessica on August 19, 2002 at 09:05:56:
In Reply to: Re: Tragedy at 27 posted by Dawn on August 13, 2002 at 20:08:30:
Dawn,
I am sorry for your loss. I am trying to deal with the differentness of my life as well. It does take everything I have just to get dressed and go about my day. All I want to do is crawl into a hole and never come out. I go through my days in a haze.
I totally understanding the feeling of never having or loving another and how everyone reacts to it. Before I dated Larry, I went through many different relationships. I came up with my conclusion that a person can love anyone. You can learn to love. You can make yourself love. But Larry showed me unconditional love. He showed me real love. He showed me a love unmeasurable and now unattainable. My friend’s and family’s take is the same as yours. It is just grief, you are so young you can’t say that, and MY MOST HATED ONE . . it wasn’t meant to be. Even Larry’s mother told me one day that I have so much love to give. To not give up hope, that God has some other plan for me and Larry would have wanted me to go on. Maybe they are all right. But I feel that I will never love someone like I loved him and I will never find someone who loved me the way he did. No one will be able to touch that special place that he did. Is that really fair to the “new” person?
Religion - That is a topic that I don’t have an opinion on just yet. I have been a non-practicing Catholic my entire life. I realized that I didn’t know very much about anything pertaining to my religion. After this near-death, life-altering experience, I decided to learn. I am still very upset at God for allowing this happen. I don’t have very much faith, but I am trying. I don’t understand why I am meant to suffer, why anyone is made to suffer such tragedy. The only thing that is keeping me going is the hope that one day I just might be able to meet Larry in Heaven.
What I have learned is that I am not the only one who is going through a tragedy like this. The only problem is finding them. You are right when you say people in your life can’t relate and I find they often say the wrong things (which makes me angry at that person, even though I know that they don’t know).
I would have never thought that my sanity rests in the hands of strangers.
Send me a line at cicalee@aol.com. We are not alone.
Take care,
Jessica