Posted by Debbie-Tim's wife on June 18, 2002 at 21:21:44:
In Reply to: widow at 28 posted by Brandy Croteau on June 10, 2002 at 00:27:16:
Dear Brandy,
I lost my husband, best friend, and soul mate on June 1. My husband died of a massive heart attack at the age of 37. I am only 39. My 3 children were home with him at the time of his death. I miss him dearly. I have a heart that is empty. I go through the motions every day for my children. I try to keep them busy so that they don't sit and relive that day. My husband was a wonderful father. He was a loving husband. I am a teacher and I have worked really hard this year. I feel like I neglected my husband because of work. I was going to make it up to him during summer vacation. That time never came. He died the first day of summer vacation. I wished that I could have told him just how much I really loved him. I nursed him through a horrible car wreck 7 years ago. He had a lot of bad days with pain. We didn't see any signs of heart disease. The autopsy showed that he had had a previous heart attack but we didn't see any signs. I am very scared to leave my 3 children for fear that something might happen to them. I am a Christian lady but my faith has been tested through this. I keep searching for one answer. Why? We were suppose to grow old together. We talked about our grandchildren. I still can't believe that he is gone. I don't feel complete anymore. Sometimes I feel like running and screaming. I feel lost all the time. I have asked some of his friends to write down memories that they have of Tim. I want to put them in a book for myself and my children. I have been keeping a journal of memories because I am so afraid that I might forget something. We depend on each other and like you it is hard to ask for help from other people. I feel the worse in the mornings. I have a little relief just before I go to bed. When I wake up the next moring the pain is back full force. Just when I think that I have gotten through one day another day is here. If anyone knows a way to get through the pain please let me know.