Posted by Sarah on December 05, 2001 at 21:30:58:
In Reply to: I miss you posted by Avy on December 05, 2001 at 16:54:46:
Avy,
I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your fiance. You were just going to start beginning your life as husband and wife. I can't imagine the loss you must be feeling right now. I can only offer my story and my listening ear.
In Dec. 2000 I lost my husband tragically from results of a snowmobile accident. We had only been married for 1 1/2 years. We were newlyweds. Our whole life was ahead of us. After he died I felt, and still feel, lost. He was my best friend.
I went out to his car a week after his accident to start it up so the battery wouldn't go dead. I couldn't even go back out and turn the car off. I sat in the car and cried. I remembered the smell, how he looked driving it. The car was my husband. I would go around our house in a daze. It didn't seem possible that he was gone.
The clothes he was wearing the night of the accident sat in the back of my car for 4 months. I couldn't bear to look at them. When I finally was able to I held them and cried. It was the last thing I got to see him in. After I took his clothes out, I started going through other things very slowly. The little things were the hardest. The sight of him brushing his teeth, shaving, combing is hair, putting on his shoes. Those were things you see everyday and you think nothing of it. All I did was cry many tears.
I know you feel like he is not around you. That you don't sense him. Believe me, he is there. I didn't feel my husbands presence after he died for about four months. I was hoping so hard he would give me a sign I wasn't looking at the obvoius. He is in you. He is feeling your pain and he is trying to help you through this. I didn't know my husband was around until I woke up and noticed that things seemed a little brighter. I was able to get up and get ready in the morning and be glad my day was beginning. I think in some way our loved one has a different way of letting us know they are there.
Don't lose hope. He will be there when you least expect it. When it happens you will know and you will have the biggest smile on your face. You will know when the time is right to go through his things. He is always with you and someday he will let you know when he is right there with you.
The last year for me has been tough. I'm slowly getting through it. You will too!
Thinking about you at your time of loss,
Sarah