Posted by Katharine on November 09, 2001 at 15:10:43:
After,over 20 years of drinking, my husband died. His death is played in what mind I have left for months.The what ifs, how could he,his death left me to rasie our 3 children, ages9,8,and 7. One night on April,22,2001,17 days after his 38th birthday, he drank so much he passed out,on his back, and choked to death on his own vomit.Everyday,I think that I can not belive we lost to a bottle, everyday our daughter asks me "did daddy love alcohol more than us',how dose one answer that, when in my heart that is how I feel.We had 11 years together, and at the age of 30,I feel as if I am 90.This years holidays,I want to curl up and hide,every night I hear the tears of my children,I read the letters they don't understand why I can not mail them, or why can't they see him just one more time.Dose the pain ever go away.I try my best to help the children to understand, but it is hard, when I can myself. I feel I failed, I failed Chris, because he coundn't stop drinking, and I failed our children for not being there to help Chris. A circle that has no end.