Posted by Tanya on August 10, 2001 at 23:25:00:
In Reply to: Different kind of widow posted by valerie on July 29, 2001 at 12:39:16:
Hi Valerie,
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. I too lost my husband to suicide.
I was 26, my son was just about 2 and my daughter was 4. He killed himself the day before his 30th birthday on May 27, 1999.
When I met him, he was a happy, easy going, kind, wonderful man. As the years past, he grew depressed and turned to drugs. I felt like a fool when I found out about the drug addiction because he just wasn't the "type" of person you would think would be a cocaine addict. It was a very difficult time. Apparently, what we thought was rock bottom for him, wasn't. He tried very hard to rehabilitate himself and just as we thought things were getting better...he killed himself.
Dealing with death of a spouse is probably the most difficult thing I have ever had to deal with in my life. Being that it was a suicide made it really difficult. Suicide seems to be a very shameful thing to society.
I have tried to take a different approach as to how I see it. I am a very strong believer in fate. I believe that when a person's time on earth is over, it's over. So, whether death be by sickness or accident or even suicide, it is meant to be. If it were not, the sick would heal, the accident would not be fatal, and the suicide would not be successful. In the case of suicide, maybe someone would have found him before it was too late, maybe he would have changed his mind, whatever the case, I believe that if it wasn't his time, he would still be here today. Whether that is true or not, it definitely eases my mind to think of it in those terms.
I believe that he is at peace now, with God. And that we now have an angel that watches over us.
It certainly isn't easy and I don't imagine there will ever be a time when it will be, but it is so comforting to know that there are others who can understand.
If you ever need a friend you want to talk with, please email me.
Tanya