Posted by valerie on August 08, 2001 at 06:26:29:
In Reply to: Just Lost My Husband posted by Lucy on August 06, 2001 at 19:36:19:
I am so sorry for your loss. It is hard to realize when you wake up and they are not there. Even though I found my husband dead, it took awhile for me to come to terms witht the fact that he wasn't going to be there when I got home. I would drive toward's my house after work and I would think I wonder what Michael would like for dinner? Then I would stop and realize I only had to worry about feeding the girls and myself. I would then feel this void. I love my children, but they didn't give me a hug and say " Boy that tasted good honey", or "You cooked so I will clean up" Now believe me this didn't happen all the time and towards the end the anger overflowed the kindness and appreciation, but I always hoped maybe if I cooked that right meal again I could have that appreciation and love back.
I am sorry I am getting self absorbed. I was in shock for the first few months, then I went through a transition I didn't have another adult to take care off and it is different then children. Then I got some fight and now I am on the upswing. The hardest things for me to accept;everyone grieves differently, allowing myself the time, letting my children see me hurting, and getting angry and not feeling guilty for it. I am sure there are some more, but these come to mind. As David put it. Let God walk with you he is the only thing strong enough to get you through. No human can do it and your inner strength will grow by relying on him.
Peace and hugs. val