Posted by Theresa on August 01, 2001 at 09:49:35:
I am 29 years old and lost my husband in March 2001 when he took his own life. The last few months of our relationship had been stormy, but the ten years before that were beautiful years that created many wonderful memories. We were best friends and did everything together. That is how I came to be so lonely. Now that he is gone i find myself so alone, sometimes i think it was a huge mistake to rely on each other as much as we did. At first i felt scared and helpless, but slowly those feelings are fading as i have realized that i have to face the world alone now. Yes, i was angry at him at first and sometimes i still am. But i truly feel in my heart that he knows he made a big mistake that couldn't be taken back. We couldv'e worked through anything, and i thought he knew that. Obviously not. We never had children, i wish we had so that i would have someone to keep me going. Sometimes i feel like i'm on a path of self-destruction. i drink everyday after work and i know i need to get out and into the world, i just can't seem to find the motivation. I do go to counseling once a week and have been prescribed three different drugs by my psychaitrist-do they help. I don't know. I don't know if anything will help. I just feel like my life is over. I know my old life is over, i just don't have any idea how to establish a new life and move on. It's so hard because i want my old life-the good years back. I don't want to have to move on-i don't have the energy or ambition. Hopefully someone can relate. All i ever here is that it will get better in time. I hate time.
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