Posted by Doug on December 03, 2000 at 18:43:49:
My wife died January 7, 1999. I used to ask her everyday the same question. "Hey Baby, have I told you how much I love you yet today?" She would answer yes or no. If she answered no, I would get down on one knee and I would tell her this. "Tammy my love, I love you more than any man has ever loved any woman in the history of men loving woman, my love for you is greater than the moon and the stars in the sky, I love you so much I would wait a thousand years for one of you kisses, I will love you till the end of time. She would smile and reach out to me and say,"Oh Doug, where did I find you?" I would tell her I was the man she has been dreaming about all her life. The kids would laugh cause they saw this little routine every day. And everyone knew it was true. Now,,,now I have to wait until the end of time. One day I kissed her goodnight with plans for the next day, but the next day never came. I didn't know that the next day I would be picking out a casket. I was so in shock that I couldn't stop shaking. My world ended. Just like that. Its over. the fun, the jokes, the laughter, the warm smile, the woman that made me whole was gone. I did what I had to do. I learned how to pay the household bills, I learned how to potty train a 2 year old baby, I learned how to go to school conferences, check homework and tuck children in at night when they have no mother. This was not a divorce, I didn't break up with a girlfriend, I didn't blow the transmission in the car,,,I lost my wife. It has been 1 year, 10 months, 25 days. I got through it but I haven't gotton over it. I just can't stop hurting. I miss everything about her. I hate this shit so bad. I look old and I am only 44. I feel old. I feel drained. I have been perminantly changed. I feel broken. I know any one in here that reads this will understand. I just found this place on the internet yesterday. I thought I was alone. I have cried an ocean of tears.
Oh Tammy my wife, my lovely wife I miss you, save a spot in heaven for me baby, keep a heavenly eye on me, I will work hard, I will take care of the kids, I will make you proud. I am so sorry you died. I be there for you, I will love you till the end of time.....