Posted by Connie on April 30, 2000 at 14:48:45:
In Reply to: Re: When do you get better? posted by Maria on April 30, 2000 at 12:18:57:
Maria,
Thanks for sharing that incredible poem. It literally took my breath away. Tears welled up in my eyes, but only because I have felt those very same feelings. And still do at times. I don't know if having children makes it easier or harder. I think it's probably about the same, it's just that different things make you sad. The bottom line is that you want them here. I know my children need me, and like I said in my original posting, I know how mad my husband would be at me for leaving them. So, I put my own feelings aside and try to keep moving forward. I should be doing it for myself, but they're the only reason right now. I still can't think of my life being anything without my husband. I have good days, but eventually realize that it's only because I've tried to stop thinking of him. It hurts too much. But you can only do that for so long and it'll catch up with you. Usually harder and stronger than ever. It's my way of coping right now though. My way of making it through today. Hoping that with each tomorrow there will one less ounce of sadness in my heart. I don't think I'll ever get over it. But I am hoping that I'll be able to accept it and move on. Like you, I'm just so angry inside. I also had friends tell me that my husband was in a better place....Well, call me selfish, but couldn't he have gone to that "better place" after he was able to see his son play baseball or dance with his daughter at her wedding? I know I should be thankful for what we did have together, but when they're taken away so soon, it's difficult not to think of what we didn't have together.
I appreciate you taking the time to respond. I think it does help some to know that someone understands and has truly felt what you've felt. If you ever want to talk, I am here to listen.