Posted by Darcy on March 18, 2003 at 15:42:33:
In Reply to: Young Widow's Support Group posted by Pam on October 08, 2002 at 11:23:44:
This past year and a half, hardly seems real to me, let alone my late husband and I's children. I lost my husband, Corey, March 3rd, 2002 of Malignant Metastisized Melanoma. I can't believe we've made it through a whole year. I was 36 at the time, my husband was 43. We have 4 children, a 23 yr old son from his previous marriage, whom is married and has one son (I'm a gramma!) and one on the way. My late husband and I have 3 daughters, 17, 13, and 7. I met my husband my junior year of highschool in 1980, I was almost 17, he was 23. We were married in 1984. So, I have spent more than half of my life with my husband. Needless to say we miss him terribly! It's been hard for me to keep our daughters sort of 'wrangled' in and under control for me while still working. My step son and his wife have been wonderful. My husbands mother has been wonderful, however my relationship with his younger brother, and sister and our "couple" friends has been terribly strained. So not only do I feel the pain and disheartening of losing my husband, but I've lost a little brother and sister and many friends. I'm having a hard time now finding direction in my life. Although, I'm dedicated to our children and grandchildren. My best girl friend of 20 years that my husband introduced me to, whom told me my husband would want me to move on and wanted to go out party and meet men, now has a relationship with a friend of my late husbands' brother, whom I have known for about 20 or 21 years, now has told me in so many words that she has no room for me now in her life. She was my greatest 'non-family' strength. I miss my husband terribly! I miss my friend, our friends, his family, and our marriage, that at the time, seemed not so perfect, but now seems like the greatest thing in the world and I want it back! Time heals all wounds, and I have to admit it gets easier to talk about. However, I lost my really great job after my husbands death and am trying to figure out what I want to do now. My employer was not as sympathetic as I had hoped at for the emotional needs of my children and I.
I have met some new friends, some whom are men that friends and family have introduced me to. But it's very difficult to move past what my kids and I have been through. I feel like I'll get there, that my kids will get there but WOW, it's something you can certainly be sympathetic to, and understanding about, but one can know what it is truly like to go through until they have been through it themselves. I support those of you who may be going through this, or have experienced it. With time, even though you miss them all the more, but it does get easier to talk about and easier to meet people. AND you truly find out who your true friends are and whom are your fair weather friends. You may reach a spirituality level you might have thought never possible. But somehow you get through it! I would have never thought I would, but I have so far. I'm re-building relationships with his family and friends, and learning how to depend on myself and trust my own judgement. Hang in there! Your never alone in your suffering!
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