Never had a chance

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Posted by Kim on February 01, 2003 at 21:40:00:

I knew Mo for three years. We worked together. I remember exactly the first moment I saw him. He was always so good to me. Our relationship had started to grow closer over this past summer and fall. He became one of my best friends. I always knew that there was something very special about him and remember thinking to myself, one day I'll realize that I love him as more than a friend. So when I did realize this it felt like the most natural thing in the world to me. The idea of him felt so right and I really felt like this would happen and that all we needed was time. That was exactly what we didn't have. He died suddenly on November 9th 2002. I had just realized that I was falling in love with him. I was so happy and excited. I really felt that he felt the same way. Now I just can't be sure. He never told me how he felt, I felt like he showed me, but Mo was so good to everyone, he may have just seen me as a friend. In my heart I know he loved me, my head just doesn't want to let me assume. I never got to tell him that I loved him. I can't get over this loss. I feel like I've lost my boyfriend, but he wasn't even mine. It's hard to explain to people why I am taking this so hard. They don't know the feeling there was between us, how do you expain that? I just keep it in my heart and protect it. I lost what could have been. I felt like he was my future and he was my rock. I've lost that support and all hope. He was more than just a crush. He was my friend and one of the most amazing people I have ever met. He was perfect for me. I now don't even feel that I was worthy of him. I miss him so much. I can't get rid of this feeling like there is a constant weight pulling me to the floor. I'm just wondering if anyone else has dealt with something like this and any advice on how to deal with it would be appreciated greatly. Thanks.

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