Posted by Karen on October 22, 2001 at 18:48:33:
In Reply to: Re: Jeff will always be with me....but I must go on without him.... posted by AK on October 21, 2001 at 05:57:55:
AK: I'm glad my posting helped you. It's a difficult time, this grieving, you think you're over the worst and then get caught again by something blindsiding you.
My worst time was Valentine's Day, the first one without Jeff. It was nearly ten month's after he died and I thought I was doing well, but I felt incredible stress the weeks leading up to Valentine's Day, I shopped continually for clothes (which for me is a sure sign of stress) and then I was totally unprepared for the day. I cried all the way to work and then cried all the way home and then cried all night after my son went to bed. You see, we always had the notion that every day was Valentine's Day, every day was special.
Then after that, I thought I was over the worst, when in March, almost a year after he died, I got into a deep depression that lasted a few days and I spent most of the time crying (sounds like your cry a thon). I remember thinking that this was the first time I'd ever felt like this and what the hell was going on!? So then I realized that it was depression and I got over it and have not had anything close to that again. If I start to feel anything even close to that now I look to the future, and not the past.
When the special days come up now, I plan for them. The one year anniversary of Jeff's death, I spent alone in Tofino, BC, one of the most beautiful places on earth. I walked the beach and had a relaxing time. The 2nd anniversary, my son and I were in Mexico and we just had a fun, happy day together.
For Valentine's this year, I bought myself a dozen roses (the day before, they're cheaper!) and my son and I went to see Disney on Ice. I buy myself roses for each of our wedding anniversaries and plan to do something special each day.
It really does take a lot of time, I think, to properly grieve the loss of one so special. I'm thankful that we had such a great time together and that I have no "if only's or what if's".
You'll get through this okay, but it will be hard and you will have bad days and good days. After awhile though, the bad days are fewer than the good days and you'll start to smile over all the special things you shared, instead of starting to weep.
My email is firstname.lastname@example.org if you'd like to email me directly to talk. I was very touched that you had read my posting and that it made you feel a bit better.
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