Posted by Valerie on August 25, 2001 at 18:13:26:
In Reply to: Re: Re: My Best Friend..... Ahhhh... why? posted by Bud on August 25, 2001 at 16:49:09:
Bud I am so sorry for your loss. My husband committed suicide and I have two children. I struggled with some of the same issues you are dealing with as far as trying to relay to my children the loving side of their father. He had become angry and violent the last couple of years and I am afraid that is all they will remember.
I do have a suggestion for you and all the others who read this post. My youngest daughter was 2 months away from turning 3yrs old when her father committed suicide and she too will never know how much he loved her. Her sister who was 5 and old enough to remember the times he played T-ball with her and pushed her on the tire swing he put up especially for her.
My answer to the question "How will my little girls learn about their daddy's love?" was to make a special picture album full of pictures taken of him with them. I know in your case you may not have that. When I was pregnant I didn't want a camera within 50 yards of me. The other thing I did though was to write letters to my girls from their father trying to express through my eyes what I saw in their father's love for them. Maybe in your case you could write somethings down that will help your son when he is older to understand what kind of person she was to YOU and then he will know what kind and loving person she was to him. Most importantly I never stop talking about him, "...remember when daddy..." I have pictures up in the house where they can see him. I want them to remember so when they do get old enough to ask important questions they will feel comfortable enough to, no matter how much it might hurt me for the momment talking about it, in the long run they will become more secure with who they are, because they were able to get to know their father through me.
It will hurt. Believe me just writing this and thinking about how much my husband lived and breathed for his children reminds me of the ever ending question of"... why could he choose to leave them". Sometimes they seem to get enough comfort from me, but a little girl without a daddy somehow feels like they are missing something.
The Lord strengthens me, and helps me day by day.
I don't understand why it had to be this way, but I am learning to lean on him and not ask why, but find peace, as you say, in knowing my husband is not suffering any longer.
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