Posted by AK on August 16, 2001 at 23:05:55:
In Reply to: Re: Will the Tears Ever Stop? posted by dyna on August 13, 2001 at 11:29:22:
I'm hoping this note finds you having one of the good days. I can't even imagine how very difficult it must be for you to be strong for your children when the tremendous grief you feel is probably enough to overwhelm you at times.
As I was driving home from the airport tonight, I cried the whole way. Normally I would be excited to be home and tell my husband how my business meetings went. It was another slap in the face to realize that once again, I'd be having a one-sided conversation with the dogs. Although these days, they are the only ones (other than this message board), that I feel I can carry on a conversation with.
Everyone I know and socialize with is married and has children. We had just decided we were ready to have children and within 45 days of that decision, my husband was diagnosed with cancer. I feel like I don't have anything in common with anyone anymore. You hit it right on the head when you talked about everyone else moving on. I feel like I'm on replay/repeat and no one else is even on the same CD anymore.
It seems like all of a sudden I'm having more bad days than good ones, like I'm regressing in the grief process. Is this normal? I feel like I'm wallowing in self-pity and I'm hating myself for that.
Before he died, my husband told me that God had a plan for me to do great things. I just wish I knew what that plan was. Right now it's just an accomplishment to get out of bed in the morning.
I think we both probably need to celebrate those little victories like getting out of bed, etc...
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