Posted by Dannea on August 16, 2001 at 18:05:05:
In Reply to: Re: Re: The Phoenix self-help group for young widows & widowers posted by rosemary on May 27, 2000 at 09:16:55:
I am dating a man who lost his wife about 7 mos. ago to cancer which she was diagnosed with 3 yrs. ago. He told me he had not had a "couple relationship" with his wife these past 2 yrs. due to her illness (which is understandable). He is a wonderful man and I feel we should not have started dating until a year from now because he needs to grieve. He told me he has been lonely for 2 yrs. now watching her with her illness not being able to be the couple they once were. He looks at it as grieving started then, I said to myself, yeah okay but now her actual body is gone and now the real grieving begins. I am trying to be there for him and have a hopeful positive attitude for our relationship but I know he has a lot to go through still emotionally. I am ready for a serious committed relationship and yes he is only with me and committed to me but not on the level I am beginning to feel towards him. He told me I was not being fair to him, that he needs time. I understand this, but I feel I might be ready for a heart crushing by him, not intentionally by him, but hoping that I am not the in between person until he is ready for more. I feel he is worth holding on to and I know I have to give it some time, but for how long is the question...I only hope actions speak louder than words and that he is feeling love for me as I do for him. Another issue is he has two small children and I am getting attached to them as they are to me. I didn't want to meet them too early, just in case we didn't work out, but he insisted that either way whether it be me or someone else, now or later, that they would have to get used to it. I was just trying to think of their feelings at such an impressionable young age.