Feelings I can relate to.

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Posted by Mary Ann on July 22, 2001 at 23:42:55:

I typed in widowed persons and found your site. The best part is reading words that express so much of what I feel! That appears to be one of the greatest needs we as widows/widowers have. In speaking with so many caring people, you know they want to comfort or encourage us, but they truely don't have the capacity to understand unless they have been there themselves. I was blessed with a mother-in-law who became a christian around the time of my 37 yr. old sister-in-law's death from cancer, and then was widowed herself 4 years ago when my father-in-law died of cancer. My husband of almost 26 yrs. died from complications of his quadriplegia(nearly 34 yrs.) on January 25, 2001. It will be 6 months this Wednesday and I have moments of such profound sadness. In our 27 years of knowing one another we had truely become BEST FRIENDS. He was always the sweet natured one, patient beyond measure dispite his intense handicap. I have to thank the Lord for such a gift. The emptiness inside, the hole that can't be filled, the support that Gordie gave me made me feel like I could tackle almost anything. And then despite my faith in Christ as my Savior(which still exists) I felt as if my heart had gone down to the grave with him, that "the wind beneath my wings" was no more. The one bit of wisdom given by my mother-in-law was, "It's the worst thing in life you"ll ever experience". I'm sure she is right, because I can't imagine anything more devastating. The greatest joy and burden left with me is our 13 children. Gordie and I had adopted 10 and were fostering 3 more when he died and those girls want to stay with us despite the loss, I gave them a choice right after he died feeling like they may not be able to stand any more "losses" in their young lives. It has been an interesting experience, but there are so many times I just don't want to exist anymore. That's probably why God gave me so much continuing responsibility...the lonliness is so overwhelming! My children's needs have of course kept me very occupied and they have gone way out of their way to find ways to cheer me evertime they knew it would be an especially hard day. There was my 47th birthday just 16 days after he died, then our 26th anniversary two months after that, then the kids birthdays, mothers day, a graduation, then fathers day...every time they found some way to make it a little more bearable for me despite their own loss! My heart goes out to the endless list of lost loves!!! Having checked out the "personals", I can't help but agree with the person who wrote that the perspective of a widowed person is so different in that most of the time the lost is a sorrow without bitterness, just grief and because of that it takes another widowed person to comprehend our feelings. I live in the Grand Rapids, MI. area and in reading on I see some of you are looking for a widowed persons dating site. It's a great idea, but the disadvantage is the numbers of those in any giving local would be much smaller than other markets of singles, the advantage being the ability to relate to our loss. In our area I received a newsletter 2 or 3 months after Gordie passed away inviting me to participate in a "Widowed persons" group/groups. One particular segment is for those in their forties and under. They apparently go on outings, like ballgames, local plays, to breakfast, lunch, or suppers. Some of the get togethers are in private homes for small dinners, etc. They even have a continuing group for those who have started dating and/or married since becoming involved with the group. If any one wants more info I could get you a phone number from the newsletter to find out how to start your own local groups...just a thought. Thanks for the outlet tonight, I'll check back in soon. Mary Ann C.

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