Posted by Helen England on April 13, 2001 at 16:39:36:
In Reply to: Guilt and Grief posted by Jason on January 23, 2001 at 20:26:30:
Hi Jason
This is the first time i have been into this site and i wish i had known about it sooner.
I live in England and I lost my fiance Steve, he was killed at his work at aged 29, we had been together for five years.
I was 23 at the time and was 7 months pregnant with our first child.
The shock hit me initially and i don't remember much about the early days when our son was born. I tried to keep going for him but suffered a huge breakdown and couldn't look after him.
Kyle is now 16 months and the spitting image of his Daddy, we have a nice house and I have a good job.
I still stuggle to cope, I miss Steve so much my heart could break sometimes. I feel for my son that he has no daddy and Steve would have been a brilliant father, he didn't even get to meet him.
I know about the guilt part, I was overcome with guilt after I recovered from my breakdown, i wasn't there for my son and should have been stronger and beent there for him.
I know about keeping busy, I am always running around either working, seeing friends or doing housework but you can't avoid the quite time can you, like me being on this site so late at night, i feel very lonely and can't sleep.
I would like you to reply to me as I need somebody to talk to who understands
Hope to hear from you soon
Take care
Helen