Posted by lamb97 on January 25, 2001 at 00:39:45:
In Reply to: Guilt and Grief posted by Jason on January 23, 2001 at 20:26:30:
I'm humbled by your loss, and your sharing feelings of self doubt, etc.
I have felt so sorry for myself since my husband was killed in a small plane crash,, in 1997. We had no children, God's will we supposed. I have felt as if I would be so much better off if I hadn't been left alone. I can see now how hard it is either way.
You are so young and going through so much heartache. I know in time you will feel lighter inside.. and that your faith will be renewed.. at least I trust that, with the faith I have in how God manages these sorts of situations.
I have read in the bible that we are not to look for signs from those beyond this life.. that we are to basically look forward.. of course we can't do that early on in grief. I guess the "wisdom" behind that is so we don't get stuck looking for comfort from a place other than God's own heart and mind.
I'm not in a lofty spiritual place, I am still very deflated even after over 3 years since my husband's death. I think our healing has so much to do with how strong we were when we entered this journey. I've never been very strong.
About your guilt over giving enough to your youngest child, emotionally that is, try to trust that as you heal you will feel lighter inside and have more energy and positivity to give to both of them.
I hope you have some family to help give more warmth and tenderness as well, to you and your little ones. Always remember there is a great part of your wife in your children's minds and hearts too.
I hope something that I've said has helped a bit and hurt not a bit.
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