Posted by Marie on January 09, 2001 at 14:55:04:
In Reply to: Starting Over posted by Malc on January 03, 2001 at 13:28:46:
I sure don't have the answers for you...but I definitely can relate to what you are going through.
I lost my husband two years ago on Jan. 3, to cancer. He was 37. Like you, I was left with two small children. After two years...I still find it difficult to believe at times that he is really gone.
I have tried dating. And I have to admit...it has made me take my mind off of things...just for a short time. What was strange for me...was that every person I dated...became so serious. I ran the instant I sensed it. I also did a lot of comparing...which is so unfair, I know. But I couldn't help it. Little by little though...I could feel myself taking small steps to living again. Of course, I ran away when things got too intense...but they were steps nevertheless....to healing. I was lucky to have met some very wonderful people. People that were patient and as understanding of my feelings as they could be. I just felt so much guilt when I started to feel good...that it wasn't worth it to me to continue. So I bailed.
I have now..since September of last year...been involved with someone. Ironically, he is also in the UK. I am in U.S. He is an exceptional person. Someone I feel very, very fortunate to have met. I can't honestly say how things will turn out...but I do know that this is the farthest I've been able to come with anyone. I'm not even really sure just what that means....but it can't be a bad thing. I still have a lot of the same fears...one being that I do not want to let myself love and lose again. But like your email said...the best way to respect the dead is to keep living yourself. It is, by far, the most difficult thing to do though. I have thought many nights about what I am doing with my life. I know what my husband would want for me...I know he would want me to be happy again...but that is easier said than done. I keep wanting to hold on to the past. And I think moving forward is going to be hard to do...when there is something holding on...bringing me down. But I have also considered...what feeling love like that could do too. Maybe...I could start "living" again. Maybe...I would WANT to start living again.
I think you should keep dating. It doesn't have to be a mission...I just think it's important to keep yourself open to it. Most of the time, love finds us when we least expect it. And we wonder how we survived so long without it.
If you feel like talking....please email me.
Good luck to you....and your girls.
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